storm anxiety

2-17-26

today i let Hunter dunk a lemon balm tea bag into the water in his tea kettle and he said, “it’s so satisfying to see the bag melt.” meaning the sight of the dry tea bag absorbing all the liquid. but his use of the word “satisfying” caught me off guard; i’d never heard him use it before and it seemed a too-many-syllable word for a 4 year old. 

tonight around 11:30, during a storm, i woke up to lights turning on and R putting his jacket on and holding a flashlight saying “a tree fell outside” and to call the office but i was at first so groggy from sleep that none of it was registering. he went outside to check on the ppl whose trailer the tree fell on, which thank god they were not injured. then came back in and tried to show me the damage from inside, but it was too dark and cold and rainy to see, and i didn’t wanna go outside. R said their ceiling was basically caved in from the tree. it’s now almost 1 am and i still can’t sleep. the trailer’s rocking and shaking and being stormed on, i just checked weather and saw a weak tornado possible in the area. just laying here worrying, praying and listening to the rain and wind. 

2/18/26

Last night while i was reading Hunter a story, shortly before he fell asleep, he blurted out seemingly randomly to me, “that’s why i like to sleep with you not daddy! cause his snoring wakes me up!” (he had kicked R out of the bed too before he said it) we’re still sleeping together every night. He says sleeping with me keeps him from getting nightmares. but my sleep quality definitely suffers because of it. R and I talking about switching beds after he falls asleep.

Baby laughed again in his sleep last night. Despite the tree falling and all the storm anxiety, it made me big smile, and gave me a moment of sweet relief. He gives me a lot of those moments actually- when i’m stressed about something, H will just be there doing silly things, making everything more manageable. even when he’s “unmanageable”, like throwing a tantrum, I still like to look into his face and smile because i’m so glad he’s my baby.