high-pitched raspberries

5/17/22

mom took Hunter home today, bringing him back later tonight. although my mom-body misses and loves him, as the time got later and later, realized that I more dreaded her bringing him back (because I hadn’t finished all the things in the house I wanted to do) than missed him. it was maybe like 30% missed him, 70% wanted her to keep him longer so I could do my own stuff. or maybe even 20%/80%.

this was the year I was forever chasing after Sleep and Silence, and never catching up with them as much as I wanted to.

I feel like I’m not OK with the rate that time is passing since Hunter was born. I feel like it’s passing too fast. I can’t really sit in the moment completely unless I’m breast-feeding actually. Other than that, have to always think about what’s next, next, next. and even then, i breast-feed so much, that there are lots of times during a feeding when I’m still thinking of what’s next.

5/19/22

this week he’s started to make this bubble sound that is like the funniest shit I have ever heard, and doing it a lot. the other day, I was feeling sad/tired as usual while taking care of him, but when he started doing the sound, I genuinely cracked up for a few minutes. Many times I force a smile when he looks at me, but when he’s doing that sound, I smile and laugh with like my whole body and soul. He’s blowing these high-pitched raspberries which at the same time sounds like he’s underwater…hard to describe or replicate, but the cutest sound ever – sometimes he’s even doing it as an answer, after we ask him a question lol.