it’s a good memory now (week twenty-nine)

6/20/21

R did something that I thought was cute last night…he was working at our house all day from like 7 AM to 10 at night (finishing painting the walls and ceiling now, tiling the kitchen area…) and came home and was tired, and I got into bed with him and my right thigh was still hurting (just woke up w/it hurting the other day), so he insisted on massaging it, he sat up and gave it a really good massage, like one of the best he’s ever given me, and it was long massage too, so when I noted how long it was going on, I raised my head up a little and looked at him and at first it looked like he was staring intently at the spot on my thigh he was massaging, but then I realized he’d fallen asleep while rubbing me (his head was dropped down sleeping), and I was like oh no and pulled him down to me and shut off the light. Oh my Grude.

6/22/21

Today all day (at least from when I woke up until now at 12:30 PM) there has been no direct sunlight and the sky’s looked like it’s about to rain – it’s bright, but no like yellow light, and no rain. I think there’s a big thunderstorm warning that’s currently affecting the whole surrounding area. Idk why but this sky and this weather makes me feel…in my element, the most comfortable and…focused, and me. It feels sacred, this light. Like I feel everything I do in this light is holy. I feel like I have more time, like something’s on pause. Sometimes when it’s really sunny, I feel like the world’s going too fast for me/the energy around me is too high.

6/24/21

At first I thought maybe the childbirth class was too expensive (it was $250 for the one-time, 3-hr class) but now I think that it was worth it. cause I’ve been practicing the breathing a lot and…it’s not just for the birth, I realized- it’s to relax in everyday life. Yes the birth too, but also afterwards – way beyond – to relieve stress and deal with pain/center yourself in the moment. And if I’d read it in a book or just seen a video about it, I feel like it maybe wouldn’t have had as much impact or been as important to me to practice as when it was me and R and the teacher, just one on one, all gathered together and focused on one subject, in a nice peaceful place. It was worth it- it’s a good memory now and I’m glad we did it.