2/2/26
had a dream this morning that we were at our RV park and this big brown bulldog suddenly came up to me, and I was scared because I thought he was gonna bite me, but he like saddled up to me and was basically spooning me from behind, it seems like he just wanted to cuddle? But the whole time I was uncomfortable because I thought he might suddenly bite me. I somehow got away, that included waiting it out i think, and I think R was protecting me somehow from the dog later.
since thursday 1/29 my brother has been living in our trailer w us after a falling out with our dad. it was pretty sudden, the whole thing transpiring in just several days. it’s ok… i’m a little glad he’s here, a little annoyed. the dynamic has definitely changed with his arrival: we are four people now in here, so R has been sleeping in my bed with me, with my brother sleeping where R used to. R uses my bathroom much more now, and I’m closing my room off more whenever I change- before, I didn’t have to hide this. and then Hunter is obsessed and in love with my brother, so follows him around almost 24/7, playing video games a lot together. This disperses and lowers the big burden of childcare to a much more manageable state, for me. yesterday I took a shower and didn’t have as much worry about rushing through it to relieve R, because now R has my brother’s help – we both do.
February – this might be the last month that my skin is OK, if we don’t find a solution to it getting bad for most the year. I’m excited that we may be onto the solution, but also scared that maybe we aren’t, or we’re not in the right place geographically pollen-wise. That we didn’t find the right place yet.
2/6/26
today, the first day in like a year or two I was able to wear my favorite shoes. cause my skin still better. the real test that i’m in the right place for my skin though, will be in the springtime, starting in March. that’s when it starts- March/April/May.
2/7/26
today, had a kind of spiritual experience with a donkey. We visited a nearby animal sanctuary, and I’m not used to farm animals really. So when the big sweet faced donkey named Hope walked up to me, I at first tried to pet her like R and Hunter just had, but kept looking at her mouth and got scared she would suddenly snap at my hand (even though our guide said it was safe), and I drew my hand back. Felt a little bad that I was scared, that I couldn’t keep going. Stepped away from her timidly and moved on to the brown cows ahead of us, but she followed us, and it seemed in particular followed me, standing right behind me/next to me. So with our guide’s encouragement that she really did want to be petted, I tried again, and she leaned her warm heavy body against me a little, nudging me with her nose, and it made me feel much more comfortable, and I started petting her with relief, and more abandon, and then…joy. At the end of the day now, my heart feels overflowing and grateful for this experience. also funny to note – tickets for this sanctuary tour were only $25 each, compared to the two days before this that we spent at Universal which were $100+ each, that offered superficial fun, but nothing that touched me on this level as petting these animals at the sanctuary. I jokingly said to R as we were walking away from Hope’s pen, “OK, we can have a farm now” because he’s been talking about buying land and having a farm.
Marriage Journal 