1/12/25
i was going to streak my hair with highlights, but just thinking today that it’s turning white at such a rate, that nature is doing it for me. Decided to just enjoy and bask in the darkness of my hair until it’s gone/enjoy the gradual streaking.
1/13/25
i love how i can just jump out of bed in the morning now without it being a big production. before when feet were bad, woke up, took deep breaths, mentally steadied and soothed myself, got out the pads, unpeeled the backings, stuck them to the insides of both socks…etc. now i can just hop out of bed and run downstairs in my slippers even with just bare feet. i can’t go back. i won’t go back to what it was.
this morning I was cuddling with Hunter in bed, and he hugged me and said to R, “no big guys allowed. Only cuties!” as he held me close and smiled, pressing our cheeks together.
also, he’s been getting into ninja turtles. the other day, he sang out, “turtles in a half shell! Turtle power!” And it just seemed like things came full circle for me in that moment lol. i remember singing that exact same line as a kid.
getting more and more lax with dairy products lately. Got these gluten-free Schar milk chocolate covered wafers just cause I wanted to try them because their other wafers are really good (it was too sweet- their uncovered wafers are actually better). And then yesterday went to a Mexican place in the Berlin flea Mart, and their rice pudding looked so good and I really wanted to try their hot chocolate, so I ordered them both (they were good). felt a little bit sick afterwards actually, but I think I’m indulging because I denied myself these things for so long while everyone around me indulged, and I really missed creamy, milky food. like it’s a bit psychological eating. oh and we got Horchata as Hunter’s drink- he just drank a sip, and I finished the rest by the end of the day- it was very milky (and sweet and delicious). I don’t think it’ll become a regular thing- like I think normally in the future, I’ll just have a Horchata OR a rice pudding OR a hot chocolate- not all of them at once. again, I think it’s the psychology of it- having denied myself them for so long, and feeling bad/deprived all the while i did it. i’ve pretty much decided that including dairy, grains, eggs, and even gluten once in a while is not what was ravaging my skin, because i’ve been having all those things for weeks now, to no detrimental effect (in fact my teeth feel a bit stronger & less sensitive). I’ve noticed (R has too) in the past years that my breakouts come in cycles and seem worse in hot weather. That, paired with the blood test results of my pollen allergy = I’m pinning pollen as the culprit. So if i do go through another breakout, i won’t deprive myself dietarily again.
1/17/25
parenthood is like that game where they blindfold you and spin you around before you can try. like they won’t let you play the game until you’re significantly disoriented.
1/18/25
now that I know we’ll probably be living in a trailer, everything I look at in the house, I’m wondering if I’ll keep it, donate it, throw it away, etc. I’m like visually trying to pack and pare stuff down in my mind all the time. I was thinking – it’ll be nice to just have one of everything- to be really minimalist because of the small space. I think it’ll make us all less distracted, and more focused on stuff that matters more, like our family and traveling together and experiences together. Instead of being all spread out in the house, maybe. i feel excited and positive about this future, and like we’re on the cusp of a big change.
Marriage Journal 