full speed ahead

1/6/25

this is hard to explain, but: when I was a kid, really young, because we were still in the townhouse and had the old Bonneville- so this was before middle school- I was gazing at the grey, velvet-like fabric of the back of the driver’s seat, from the backseat of I think the Bonneville, and just how it was (when fingers/things run back and forth on its fabric, different patterns of lighter and darker are made), and while I was gazing, I saw a face- a cute face, almost like a marshmallow, but its features were distinct so that I remembered it, and I remember to this day gazing at it back then and thinking it was strange to see such a distinct face in a car’s seat. and then, just today, Hunter fell asleep leaning on me, on the couch, with his feet on me, and I glanced to my left and looked at his face which was kind of tilted upwards, and i saw the face I saw on the backseat like over 30 years ago. it was that face. several times over the course of this nap, when i glanced over at him, the memory of this back-of-driver’s-seat face was my first impression/the first thing i thought. and this memory is not something I ever think about, maybe not since the day it happened long ago, but I guess it was always somewhere in the back or depths of my mind. Was that him, so long ago? Was he all along destined to be mine?

1/12/25

this moving into trailer thing going ahead as fast as possible, while taking care of a kid. I just checked out three homeschooling books from the library yesterday, R has been researching  best trailers and sources of energy and stuff like that nonstop, and he even asked me the other day where I want to visit first, because he has to plan out the route and places to stay there. He wants to have a yard sale of our stuff soon and is trying to sell his truck and the house. I said I would just Google the nearest place to us, but that has no tree pollen, and pick that. still have to find time to do that, because I don’t want to just take the first search result, I want to confirm it with multiple places before we actually go there. and I also need to make sure there are fun places/parks/publicly-available nature nearby, wherever we go, for Hunter.

skin is still doing great. I feel clearheaded and not inflamed, and I’m still eating from dairy and even gluten when I can’t help it (we searched Acme yesterday everywhere for gluten-free hotdog buns but couldn’t find them, so R just made our hotdogs with his sourdough sandwich bread, and I had just a slice with my hotdog for dinner) here and there. I have no complaints except it’s a little dry, but nothing hurts, and I’m grateful for that every day and also something in the back of my head and soul is dreading the coming of spring, because I feel like it will just come back. Another reason to get these travel plans going.