12/30/24
i know it’s normal for kids to grow up, that most all kids grow physically bigger into adult size. but with each increasing clothes size, I’m in amazement. First he was NB, then 3 months and 6 months and 9, 12, 24, 2T, now 3T, and already receiving 4T size clothes. I just…idk. I feel grateful and excited to picture him growing and growing. I stare at his baby face a lot with his protruding cheeks and still neck rolls and still sometimes double chin, and try to see into the future- what he’ll look like as a man. I feel like I can almost see it sometimes, and then it disappears into the cuteness that still dominates.
there’s stress in everything, I realize. Even in the ideal job, like I feel I have, there’s stress. And even in supposedly fun things, like the outings i’m planning for myself, there are still things I worry about. I think you can’t avoid it- all you can do is handle it well.
last night after Hunter fell asleep, and I had fallen asleep with him and then woken up – really late, around midnight- I rolled over into R’s bed, and he held me and stroked my face and my head so tenderly for what seemed like an hour, that when I went up to bed, I felt refreshed, and really loved.
also, tonight, we went on a surprise date. He said it was for the six year anniversary of when he proposed to me 🙂 it turned out to be going to the movies to see A Complete Unknown. I was really happy about it, and I said to him in the theater, “I guess you do listen to me when I talk!” because I’d mentioned that seeing that movie would be a good date.
1/4/25
tonight I just came to the living room where R was, and he said, “do you want to buy a school bus and live in it?” And I laughed and we both laughed. But then I sat down and saw a little bit of the Instagram he was watching in which this couple did buy a school bus and I guess were living in it, and the more we talked about it- selling our house and going mobile- the more sense it seemed to make. He’s having so much frustration with his job so we could move around and see what else works. and my job being remote. Being mobile, I could go and move to and try places that don’t have pollen, to see if they help my skin…we started talking about homeschooling and homesteading and raising goats…
the poetry was great last night. i layered up and brisk walked from the station to PhilaMOCA and wasn’t cold at all. i thought there would be lots of room for some reason, but when i got there (1/2 hr late), it was packed. pleasant surprise, plan to go back and not be late next times.
seems like i’ve seen more flags at half staff in my life than fully raised.
1/5/25
i think this will be the first night in a week or so that I’ll have a good sleep; I found like 2 mouse droppings on my bedside table, so we put mouse traps out, and just today caught one (hopefully the only one, because we searched all around the house and couldn’t find any more evidence), it was dead in the catch and release trap, and we just put it in the forest and threw the trap away. but ever since I realized there was one living somewhere near me last week, every night I’ve gone to bed scared that it would attack me in my sleep and kept waking up throughout the night because of it, even going downstairs to sleep with R and Hunter a few times, in middle of the night.
I kind of started out wondering if we should do the RV trailer thing, but tonight started thinking “how can we not do it?” It was after I realized that we could visit every major library- all the best libraries in North America.
Marriage Journal 