12/13/24
or maybe it’s the combination of both no more pollen AND no more dust mites? my skin doing so good now. i’m so happy about it, but also want to somehow prepare myself now so that it never comes back, so i never have to deal with it again.
One perk of being pretty poor, though: I can see what’s important to my husband. Like we have very limited resources, so what he chooses to spend his money on, I can take note of, that it means something to him, for whatever reason. and I could note it with myself as well.
12/18/24
just realized something…the look that feels a bit oppressive that my mom gives me whenever she comes over or i visit, that i assume she’s criticizing me in her mind… it just might be because i’m her baby, and she’s just looking and staring and searching to make sure i’m okay and nothing’s wrong. because that’s what I do with Hunter, whenever he first arrives home. I search him fervently with my mother eyes. like maybe things i thought- are not what i thought.
12/19/24
the other day i was in such a rush, i started the juicer without any cup underneath to catch the juice, and some celery juice got wasted spilled onto the stovetop.
I feel like a happy bird in my husband’s hand; he doesn’t squeeze me too tight. I know that if I wanted to go, he would let me go. That’s why I love him so much.
12/20/24
i’m just so glad I made it to this day. Feet are now kind of the picture of what I was trying to visualize into reality before I went to sleep night after night. And maybe it was nothing I even did in terms of restricting diet, and supplements and trying out different medicines. Maybe all it was, was just getting through each day sane, day after day. Just surviving until this day finally arrived.
this afternoon while we were lying in bed, Hunter happened to put one foot on top of the other so that when put my hand on the sole of his foot, i could fit both of them in one hand, and i almost cried when it happened cause i haven’t been able to fit both his feet in one hand for so long- since he was a baby and still breastfeeding- i used to do it all the time.
today folded a whole load of laundry while next to Hunter. it was a milestone because every time before, he’d jump into it and mess it up so that i had to stop the chore. he was watching videos on ipad, but still, it was nice and a rare peaceful moment.
12/21/24
yesterday, Hunter had two great ideas, and I told him so when he said them. One was when I was sewing some fresh cranberries together to make a little garland to hang, I chose black thread for some reason, and he came up to see what I was doing and said why don’t you use red? he picked up the spool of red thread. And I looked and saw that it would look so much better with red, so I did that. And then later that night he got out of bed, saying he wanted to eat still (so late, around midnight), and I made him a snack that included sprouts, and he pointed to them and asked “are you going to juice those?” i guess because he knows I juice celery. But I actually never thought of juicing sprouts, and I still had the whole tray in the fridge that I wasn’t using fast enough and that was about to start going bad, and I said hmm- that’s a really good idea. Three years old and thinking of helpful stuff I would never have thought of.
when Hunter wakes up in the mornings is like an event I don’t want to miss. if I wake up before he does, I rush and hurry to get into his bed, because he’s just so affectionate and extra absurd when he first wakes up. he moves his body so funny and talks nonstop, saying unintelligible things and then laughing so hard like someone’s tickling him (but no one’s tickling him). it’s almost like a main event for me, and I know the approximate starting time, and usually my body will wake me up right before then. and whenever I miss it and wake up after him, I do feel like I missed out on something.
Marriage Journal 