10/17/24
got the notion this morning, while sweeping the crunchy fall rainbow leaves from the trampoline in the sunlight, then sweeping them down the steps, that this act was akin to communing with God. Equal to like sitting across from him at a table having coffee…it was silent and beautiful.
ran out of the non-herbal Honeypot panty liners i’ve been using in socks, and now have all these herbal ones that contain mint and lavender, which were stinging my feet all morning. not sure if the herbals are better for skin or not, but I’m not gonna buy the original ones just to be in perfect comfort, because the pain is not unbearable. it’s bothersome, tho.
when R brought home Hunter asleep from Granny’s for the third night in a row, I almost cried. I had prepared a salad with warm onion & garlic mushrooms, and fried the barbecue from this weekend, and when I was washing the grape tomatoes was thinking how he would probably be fascinated picking them off the vine himself making his dinner plate. But what could i do – I put the nightlight on and took off his socks, looked into his face, and just left him alone to sleep with a heart heavily missing him.
10/18/24
it’s like i can either be exhausted out of my mind and have baby home, or i can feel rested but be without him. will i ever have it all?
10/19/24
still so happy when Hunter and i holding hands walking. today we went for a hike through the woods and he was holding my hand the whole time besides the part i carried him on my back. it’s like falling in love for the first time, again. well like falling in love, but different, cause i wipe his butt and everything, and it feels like i’ve assumed the traditional man’s role of protecting and thinking about his every need, putting him on the inside part of the street when we’re walking, etc. but major love nonetheless.
Marriage Journal 