3/9/24
something that changed since Hunter: I can’t take small purses anymore to go out. I always need backpack-sized things now. To hold the diapers. And the wipes. The change of clothes. And the toys….(he once, from the backseat in his car seat, called me “not a good mom!” as we were getting ready to go out because I hadn’t brought any toys with us. I ran back in the house and grabbed some, and never forget to have toys on me ever since- even if it’s just interesting keychains, or stickers.)
tonight i find myself in bed with a toy drill wedged between me and the baby, his other hand pressed right over the pulse point on my neck as he falls asleep. Also, as he was almost asleep but not quite, as he shifted position, turning his back to me, he said with the sweetest lilt in his voice, “sweet dreeeeams”
3/11/24
“do you need more kisses on your nose?” he woke me up this morning saying this, and not waiting for my answer, kissing my nose over and over.
3/13/24
just remembered something nice: last night, R and I were watching a comedy show on Netflix (Steve Treviño, “simple man”), and he wasn’t really laughing. I was chuckling at some points, but during this one bit I thought it was really funny and started laughing so hard and high and loud that tears started coming out of my eyes, and I just remembered that behind me, R started laughing in this really sweet way during this that told me that he was laughing not because he thought the bit was funny, but because he was happy I was laughing/laughing at my laughter. It was just a nice memory…he’s so sweet, my husband.
just remembered something else from Monday night (today is Wednesday): we were driving around, just R and I on errands, and we were talking about his family and i made a comment about his one niece who just recently finished high school. i predicted, “she seems like a really good girl, so I don’t think she’ll ever do drugs.” and after a pause, R said, “you can still be good, but be curious.” and that caused ME to pause, and then ultimately agree. I like how he says what he thinks even if it’s contrary, and I like what he thinks- his logic. I should do more to protect his brain and his health, because he’s been drinking more than he used to. But i don’t know what i could do…i’m not his mom.
So lately, since we’ve been short of money, I’ve been cutting down on buying anything that’s not like bare necessities. I’ve been pretty good with sticking to it and turning down stuff that I would normally buy – until today. even though I gave myself this window of all last night and this morning to think about it, i couldn’t give it up, and bought it (a sweatshirt i saw on Temu for $13). After I bought it, I was trying to figure out why I couldn’t resist this particular thing and strayed from my own rule when it wasn’t as hard to forgo other stuff. i realized it was because the shirt embodied like the three most important things to me when it comes to clothing i love to wear (I guess not much of my wardrobe adheres to this currently): it was colorful (had background of wide pastel stripes), comfortable (all cotton), and cute (had a bunny graphic and a funny saying). even though it was kind of a “slip-up” or “moment of weakness” buy, it did teach me at least what’s most important to me wardrobe-wise, so it’ll be easier for me to make decisions in the future when i’m deciding what pieces of my own to keep or let go, and also for the possible future of when I’ll have enough to actually buy some more colorful, comfortable, cute things.
Marriage Journal 