end of cycle

2/25/24

Hunter being super clingy and im trying to stay by his side as much as possible, even though he needs to be with me as I pee and poo (he will painfully wail and howl and cry if i shut the door, and insists on standing next to me in the bathroom) and follow me to every room I go upstairs and downstairs. if I don’t come when he’s calling for me, he starts scream-crying, like I abandoned him in the middle of the desert.  I think i never had a more stressful moment than when I just tried to get away during this time to put some laundry in because he was down to his last pair of pants in the whole house, when he started scream-crying for me (at like nervous-breakdown pitch) and I had to leave everything just mid-loaded with the washer door ajar and go back upstairs to his crying. I never realized how much help I needed until this little one.

2/26/24

it’s been about a month now and counting: he’s dropped his nap if he’s not on a car ride during the afternoon (which lulls him to sleep). So like he’ll wake up around eight and stay up ALL  DAY with no nap, all the way til like 9 or 10 PM. it’s kind of stressful to have no break. 

The thought occurred to me today: maybe we’re not meant to have nannies or other people watch our children? Because if I can get so annoyed at him, and I am his flesh and blood mother who carried him for nine months and bore him from my own body, how much less patience would someone unrelated to him have? it’s kind of scary to think about that way. Tho I still definitely feel like us as the main caregivers need constant assistance from people like nannies, or else it’s… extremely exhausting and stressful, without any breaks to regroup/relax.