Moved out!

9/1/25

Baby can put his own shoes on now, but puts them on the wrong feet still! it’s cute when he shows us, he’s very proud

at ShopRite yesterday, we were pushing our cart from checkout to outside, past the aisles of other registers, and someone loading her cart dropped a single roll of paper towel on the floor as she was loading, and Rodrigo, as he passed by pushing our cart, picked it up and gave it to her. after seeing him do this, I inwardly laughed at my first reaction, because it was so strong and lewd- it was to the effect of “wow I wanna bang the shit out of this guy” lol. So I was thinking about it the next day and I guess kindness is something that turns me on. And something that gives it an extra boost is not just kindness alone, but like a reactive kindness – like a reflexive reaction i see someone inherently have in the moment. It makes me love him. he does this kind of stuff a lot actually, which I think helps maintain my soft heart towards him.

9/5/25

after a final like two days’ push of minimum sleep and nonstop moving and pretty stressful packing and cleaning, we finally got out of the house at the last minute yesterday.  just when the new tenants were arriving, around 1 pm, we were in the truck with the engine on. R pulled the slides back in (he did everything really, sweating all day long like every day, I’m so grateful) and we set off. Had to stop on the side of the highway once because Hunter had to pee. All in all, this feels really good and fun and I love how the RV brings us more together because of the closer living arrangements and the adventure. This morning I could even watch what Hunter was watching on TV in the living room (my neighbor Totoro) just by lying in my bed in the next room. But also, I’m overwhelmingly tired. My skin is still not really letting up. (we’re going to stay around here mostly near the beaches, for the first few months.) Last night, itched from midnight till like four in the morning, and then woke up at 7:45 AM for work, and could not go back to sleep because of the close quarters and Hunter barging in and work I had to do. At one point I actually just closed my laptop in the middle of it all and started crying because I am so tired, and I can’t sleep at night. it’s been many days now, I’ve lost count, that I’ve had just like three or four hours every night of sleep in a row. very rarely, I’ll feel comfortable enough to lie down to sleep at like 2 or 3 am, but mostly it’s later. i just wanna sleep at night, and I just wanna like have a normal life. That’s all I want. I feel the effects: zoning out with a zombie brain, a lot of out-of-body feelings, not able to make decisions quickly, foggy brain, irritability, extreme bone-deep tiredness while reading bedtime stories to hunter, which is like torture because I wanna fall asleep, but I can’t because I still have to go to the bed and itch, or else I’ll be uncomfortable all night, so I have to stay up even after he falls asleep. It would be really nice to just fall asleep with him, together. I love to sleep with him now because he’s so sweet and doesn’t need to nurse anymore. If we had a huge huge bed and I wasn’t in so much physical discomfort, I would.

This park we’re at is pretty nice and peaceful though, it has a vacation vibe and I feel like all the parks we’re going to stay at will have this vibe. We walked through last night and the RVers have their pretty lights on, they are sitting out in front of their vehicles around bonfires and with lawn chairs, etc. just relaxing. One guy waved to me. it seems there’s a lot of older folks, I guess retirees? have seen a bunch of children too. Right now it’s daytime and Rodrigo took Hunter on his bike to go explore, it’s very sandy here (we’re near the beach), there’s playgrounds and a pool and mini golf all on the grounds. It’s better, it’s nicer than our house situation I feel. I wish I wasn’t in pain and exhaustion, but it could be worse, and I’m doing everything I can. we all are.

also, loving my bathroom. I like it so much more than our weird one (connected right to the kitchen) from our old house. this one is not directly connected to the kitchen, seems clean and has no smells and no dusty or bad corners, even though this is a used trailer. A good bathroom means a lot to me.

also really loving the close quarters. I love that the space is more compact so that all I have to do is basically lean more to the right or left or whatever to turn a light on or grab something I need, instead of walking across a room. like I turn around or take a few steps and whatever I need is right there. I love that I can go through the whole trailer and give it a once over when I get up in the morning in like less than a minute, as compared to when we were in the house and I walked through every room and it took like five minutes. 

And another good thing: for some reason I thought when we moved into the RV, that I would never get a moment alone and it would be like nonstop husband and son. But I’ve just been left alone like all of the late morning when R took Hunter out for a bike ride – they came back and immediately got in the truck and went to Walmart to get food and stuff, and I had the whole trailer to wake up by myself, eat a bite by myself, walk back-and-forth by myself and got to play music and sing alone, which always makes me feel better. I’m so glad about this. something I thought I would sorely miss about being in a fixed house, didn’t happen.

9/7/25

something good that came indirectly from my skin being bad: found Outlander, which I just started watching, I’m in the first season, and it fast became of my favorite shows ever. I could watch The Wedding episode over and over probably. The books must be good, if the show is so good.