stress, dreams, v

8/25/25

had one of the most stressful days ever today. this week is the week we move out of the house, and things were time crunched at the end, so we are scrambling to empty the house and donate things and give things away, even big things like the couch, tables, bookshelves, etc. Also today went to an office to sign our closing docs. It’s down to the last few days (today is Monday and we’re supposed to be out of the house by Thursday morning), and at the same time, at work, multiple abnormal things going on this week, like a super surge in workload, a weird PTO schedule AND using flex time, and at the same time it’s my week to help test this new server coming out. Along with all of this, baby has been extra clingy the past two weeks or so and still – Rodrigo thinks it’s because he knows we’re moving and maybe it makes him emotional. It’s sometimes really cute, like today he was walking away from me and when he got a few feet away, said “mama I miss you already” and came running back and saying stuff like “I just can’t stay away from you!” and hugging and kissing me. But 70% it just keeps us from doing the things we need to do, like pack, and sleep, and just like rest a minute. today for a while, it all converged in that the baby was climbing on top of me while I was working, and with my headphones on, at Granny’s house (he insisted that I go with him and not stay back home) while I was in the middle of an urgent workload, while also suffering from sleep deprivation (went to sleep around 4 bc of skin, woke up at 7:45 for work and pretty much had to stay up because of workload), while also being hungry but not even really having a minute to eat (at the time, my parents had temporarily given up trying to get him away from me and out of my room because he was so insistent). It was the worst, but hopefully we can get through this and settle down soon. It’s so stressful to be stressed. I really don’t wanna snap at anybody, so I just kinda shut down and get really quiet until I get through to the other side.

8/26/25

just got cold sore under bottom lip. not really surprising i guess, after the day I had yesterday. 

8/27/25

just yesterday (tuesday), realtor texted us that the closing date this Thursday that we’ve been looking forward to, would be pushed to next Wednesday. my coworker said it was maybe a blessing in disguise, and I agree because I really don’t think we could’ve finished packing up the whole house in a day, which is basically what we were trying to do. on the other hand, the mortgage and other bills for the house are going to charge another time now (these would’ve been paid off/ended with our closing and the money from it), and we’re running out of money because R hasn’t been working (though he’s had tons to do preparing us to move and fixing up RV and child care). So stuff like that- mixed feelings- with stress running high this week and probably into next week, at least. Still, underneath it all, i’m excited to move, and I sense R is too. for me the number one reason is that my skin will heal and I’ll feel better, and number two is the adventures. I think for R, his number one is the adventures.

9:36 am: I’m getting up for the day in my room and Hunter is running around me, slapping my butt and saying “your butt is so cute! Your butt is so cute and angry!”

8/28/25

The other day, when I was getting up in the morning, I kind of realized in tangible words what it feels like to know when Baby needs me. Before, it just felt like an urgency in my stomach. But the other day, I realized more specifically or alternatively: it’s almost like I hear him crying in the back of my mind, even though I don’t audibly hear it. like when I “hear” that, I know he’s about to wake up in the morning / that he needs me for something. so when i feel this I go, and as soon as I arrive, he’s usually just waking up.

I think maybe Hunter and R are allergic to the pollen too. Because Hunter’s elbows and behind his knees have been dry and itchy (though thankfully not terrible), for the past maybe month or so. And he keeps recently sneezing a lot of times in a row and his eyes looking watery, and he sounds congested, and R is  sneezing a lot like that too. I checked the pollen and it’s super high, basically at the max (though now it is ragweed instead of tree pollen season). my skin hasn’t been terrible like back in March April etc, but it’s totally not healed and I’m still staying up almost all night itching – that’s how the pollen affects me, instead of sneezing a lot. So in conclusion, maybe moving away is best for our whole family, not just me. like my symptoms are the most severe, but maybe it would make everyone more comfortable. No need to exacerbate something that they are allergic to – staying close to the triggers can’t make it any better.

8/29/25

Today R has an important surgery. It’s 8:44 am and i’m currently sitting in the waiting room waiting for him to come out and i’ll drive us home. when we were getting ready this morning, he told me he had a dream that he was ice skating through the streets and that it was nice. He said we were all there – me and Hunter and his sisters and family, but we were all following behind him, and he was skating ahead. I interpreted it for him to mean that he really is excited to embark on this RV adventure, and he confirmed that he was.