to die and come back

8/6/24

One of my first thoughts when I woke up this morning, laying in bed, was this saying I had taped to my wall in my childhood room growing up, I don’t know where I got it- cut out of a magazine or something: “The healer must be healthy, healed: the healer must have died and come back.” (not exact quote but basic idea) but it surprised me, because it just came to me and I haven’t seen it for a long time. 

8/7/24

I don’t take my slippers off a lot, but just did, and the place where I randomly stepped just ONE slipperless step, when I lifted in my foot, a sticker came up with it, stuck to the bottom of my sock. The other day, I found one inside my purse when I opened i, just stuck to the inside lining of my purse. just stickers everywhere. 

8/8/24

sometimes I think all the trouble in my life stems solely from thinking I have to do something a certain way, and not making up my own way.

so ever since about late Mon/Tuesday – and today is Thursday- my face and neck skin have been hurting and just irritated and itchy, rashy. i’m pretty sure it’s from the dairy I had on Sunday. I’m always trying to keep to the diet, but I woke up from a nap on Sunday and was just so hungry and thirsty at the same time and upon walking into the living room, saw this beautiful cold strawberry smoothie that R had gotten for me from Wawa just sitting there for me. I saw on the ticket it had yogurt and whipped cream (he tries to help with my diet too, but sometimes forgets), but it was right there in front of me, and I was drowsy from just waking up and didn’t wanna do so much work to make other stuff that wouldn’t even compare to how that tasted, so I drank it all up. in the back of my mind, to justify it, I told myself it could be an experiment. a re-confirmation of my dairy sensitivity, just to make sure. (confirmed- neck’s been painful.) so today, my face was hurting pretty bad. I went on Instagram at one point and saw a pretty impressive ad (ppl’s before and after shots) from this company called Neously for these tumeric facial pads. didn’t want to buy more stuff, so blew up the ingredients list and could hardly make out the words, but I think I got the basic idea down. I had turmeric spice in the kitchen, so started with that – dumped through a funnel into a newly-finished bottle of rosemary hydrosol, added the rest of Mary Ruth’s vitamin C toddler supplement i had leftover (like 1/4 bottle), water, some ACV, a bit of my bakuchiol serum plus some moringa oil, shook it all up, applied it to an organic cotton cloth pad, and then rubbed this solution carefully over my face. Had a hardly-noticeable tingly feeling afterwards and I love the smell of turmeric, and the whole feeling was pleasant after this. and amazingly, my face felt so much better, like immediately afterwards. I actually said “thanks, Instagram!” out loud incredulously to the mirror lol.  such a big difference: it felt moisturized and actually didn’t hurt anymore. One moment, the pain had me struggling to go on with my day, and the next, I felt almost normal again.

feet still bad so that i have to wear bandages under socks every day, but maybe a smidge not as bad as the past three months. But I started doing something a little different last night after I had soothed my feet: instead of going right to bed after, I intentionally took a few minutes to acknowledge that the worst part is just isolated on the top of my feet, and with my hands i squeezed and glided over every other part of my body that isn’t bad, that doesn’t hurt- from the bottom of my feet and ankles, to my legs, butt, back, chest, (can’t touch neck), arms (have it on two fingers and a bit on inner elbows but not too bad) but all the way up to the top of my head, I wanted to be grateful for everything that was good, and didn’t want to end every night on the relatively small percentage of my body that was “bad.” I think this will help me mentally if I continue. Also, I’m going to start to meditate on/dream of being in the ocean every night. Maybe if I do it enough, i’ll heal and get to go in before the summer’s over. Though it feels like it’s already over – got down into the 70’s this past week, with lots of wind and rain.