7/23/24
Hunter is calling me from Granny’s house more now, and it’s usually to show me a new toy he got or to tell me that he’s gone to the potty. I act very pleased and surprised lol.
The other night, we were all in bed, Hunter had just fallen asleep during one of my stories, and by the way R was squeezing me I knew he wanted sex, so in my mind, I figured we could have the sex – which would put Hunter into a deeper sleep (bc about 20 minutes would’ve passed) – and then I could go back and cut his nails after that. It was just a little sad to me that I was like fitting sex into a kind of to-do list, but that is how my brain has been working like ever since Hunter’s been born. So it always takes me a bit longer now to get into the sex because I’m thinking of what I have to do next, but I can usually get into it eventually, if I’m not too tired. I know it won’t always be like this. I hope.
had a moment this weekend – it was in the car, and the predominant feeling was pain from being hot and sweaty and it stinging my skin in multiple places and I was also in the middle of doing something- I forget what – feeding or changing the baby – it was something I realized I would be doing over and over for the next maybe like 8-10 years, and I wanted to kill myself – like I thought of maybe how I might do it. But then the moment passed, and I was OK again.
7/25/24
today started using this probiotic spray called Defensin, by a company named Skinesa. And same day, I stopped the Allergiemittel, because my skin wasn’t getting any better while I took it. I’m hoping the spray will help, it supposedly did well in clinical trials and I think I bookmarked this company during one of my searches so I guess they’re good.
I also prayed this morning, in bed, before I got up. I asked God for help because, I told him – I’ve been doing so much on my own and nothing is helping, so I need your help please.
Marriage Journal 