7/8/24
my dream right now is just to be able to go into the water at the beach once before the summer is over. That’s all I want – to be whole enough to do that. please take care of me. (I feel like it’s not as bad lately, but still, it would really sting and just be a disaster in my current condition.)
7/11/24
when my feet are bad, I walk different all day, flexing my toes because if I lay them straight down, the tops of my feet will crack open and it will be even more uncomfortable, so it’s a strain on my leg muscles I guess, because my legs get really sore. R has been massaging them, and it feels so good.
found a really good sour cream!
7/12/24
Today I was super tired and watching Hunter by myself and tried to nap two different times- once in the morning, and the other time in the afternoon. In the morning, I lay down and gave him a sticker book if he promised to not bother me, and I could tell he was really trying, because like five minutes went by while he played with it and he didn’t say anything, but then he finally turned to me just as I was falling asleep to ask me something, and then just kept talking, and that nap opportunity was gone. Then in the afternoon, he was watching a show he liked, which I thought would occupy him, and I lay down on the couch to try to get sleep, but every time he saw me falling asleep, he would shout “mama wake up!” but then something really sweet happened- not too long after that, I was sitting in the next room, and he suddenly came in with a kind of confused/troubled look on his face and said, “mama I’m sorry for bothering you” and looked down. And it spontaneously melted my heart and I told him it was all OK, and hugged him. I know he was trying, but he’s only two.
7/14/24
have started using silver solution on my feet, and it seems like it’s getting a little better, but I can’t say for sure right now because it’s only been like two days.
realized something today that I was doing all along, since maybe when I first found out I was pregnant until present day, but couldn’t put it into words until today, regarding healing my skin: if I can fix it for myself, then maybe whatever i find could also fix it for him. (baby’s skin is great and actually has been perfect recently, but I do think that when he’s stressed or has imbalance somewhere, his skin is where it does show up.) like i listen and research and try for fixes twice as hard now, because I’m doing it not just for myself.
was thinking today that I can’t imagine how people who don’t love each other survive marriage, because I feel like love is all that’s holding us together right now. the circumstances (my health, our finances, etc.) are kinda sad i guess, but the love is good.
Marriage Journal 