literally dizzying

4/8/24

I can’t even write down most of the cute things he says because we’re in the moment and he’s too needing attention so that it happens and I don’t have time or space to get my phone to write it down. But I could watch him every second- it’s like watching cells divide before my eyes, is how fast he’s growing and changing and maturing. 

4/9/24

even though the past two years since having baby has been really hard with loss of sleep and time and our identities as like single people shattered, and serious sickness on my end, and financial hardship, I also feel like I’ve gotten to know my husband, and he has gotten to know me, better. like I feel that if we had not gone through and were going through all these difficulties, that it would maybe be harder to see the real him? Because I guess hardship brings out your true nature? and I feel like the trouble brings us closer in that it makes us have to work as a team and we need cling to each other and really understand each other, or else everything will fall apart. And like when you have no energy left to pretend, no time to make anything up, no money to distract, everything just gets chopped down to the bare essentials – the roots- and you see who they are. And I love him, still, after everything, after all this. I know we’re both trying our best.

4/10/24

this morning woke up with the dizzy thing again. Again it’s when I get up too fast, or look way up tilting my head, or look way down – this nauseating dizziness ensues. If I’m sitting up or standing up, I can walk around just fine – it’s just certain positions – whenever i change my head’s altitude, i get it. But I even went for a run today and was fine. just weird.