10/2/23
today when I woke up around eight, was the first time in as long as I can remember that I did not feel dead tired, or like a zombie, or like immediately going back to sleep. I actually felt like I could get up, but I didn’t, I wanted to rest a little more, so laid back down, ended up itching my face a bit which is in a break out now, and wanting even more to rest because of that, and falling asleep again until around 11. But when I woke up around 11, I felt even better than when I woke up at eight. laid in bed until around 12:30, when I finally got up.
10/4/23
just found out yesterday- the doc told me that my blood work shows severe allergy to dust mites. could taking care of this be the magic bullet? Simultaneously, reading Spellbreaker by Charlie N. Holmburg, and just last night got to the scene where she undoes a mysterious spell that had been holding back his physical health for over a decade. Coincidence or…?
not feeling too bad today. I actually don’t think I got much sleep last night: laid down in bed around 10 or 11, but tossed and turned and itched until about 2 AM, then slept only till about 4 and woke up again, then woke up/slept periodically until 8 AM. But after resting in bed like an hour after I woke up at 8, was pretty OK. Feel a bit livelier and better than past days. today is the first day without antiviral pills- I’d taken them for the past four days. I think part of my good mood is maybe now with the dust mite allergy diagnosis, I finally have more direction and know where to focus my energy and resources instead of trying to guess if it’s this or that that’s breaking me out. as soon as I found out yesterday, I researched a lot online and changed all the bedsheets, and made up a spray with strong essential oils and alcohol and sprayed down the bed and pillows and couch and other fabric areas with it, and ordered a mineral spray that like neutralizes dust and allergens from Amazon, arriving on Friday. wish I could afford all silk sheets and bedding and air purifiers for every room, but can’t right now. thinking to maybe accumulate one expensive thing at a time over the years, as budget allows. I found a decent dehumidifier on Facebook marketplace for $150, R is picking it up today after work. supposedly humidity below 50% helps a lot to kill the mites.
ovulation almost hurt today- it’s an ache reminiscent of before (pre- birth control), but a little stronger. fortunately, it was only for a few hours last night and while going to sleep. when I woke up, it was gone.
10/5/23
so for the last few weeks, my parents have been trying to help me sleep better by keeping Baby there overnight. For like two weeks already, he stayed there Monday to Wednesday, came back Wednesday night and slept with us, then gone back to parents’ for the rest the week until Friday. So that means he only nursed on Wednesday and on the weekend when we had him. And this week, mom is keeping him all week, and I noticed my breasts are not even filling up much – I feel like our nursing relationship is really winding down. It’s a little sad that he doesn’t need me in that way anymore, but 90%, I’m glad and grateful for this. when I was in the thick of it, I thought the day would never come. i’m almost afraid to declare my “freedom” until i’m sure it’s over.
10/8/23
boobs have returned to like pre-baby, normal size again, and this weekend he only really asked to nurse at bedtime when he was going to sleep – he can go the whole day without it. and the whole week last week, he didn’t nurse cause he was with my parents.
for the past day or so, skin seems a bit better every day. haven’t changed much really, still on the difficult diet (will start adding back food groups one by one this coming week tho, as directed by the doc), on the same supplements (omega 3 and rhamnosus gg), still trying to exercise daily, etc. Have been using more of this black seed oil balm i got off Etsy, using zinc more too, on bad spots. maybe it’s a culmination of all these things i’ve been doing for a while now, working together. Maybe also it’s the stuff i’ve been doing to control the dust mites. Since finding out my allergy have been very mindful of anything i can do to counteract it: using the mineral spray a lot throughout the house, cleaning more, changing/washing sheets more, blowing/nasal-spraying nose more, also oiling nasal passages more to “deflect” the dust mite particles, changing into new clothes more often, running damp cloth over myself more to reduce any particles on me…maybe all this is having an effect too.
not being able to afford everything I want sucks mostly, but one thing I like about it: it really hones your “do I need this or not?” ability. You get better and better at deciding what you need and what you can live without. i like slimming my possessions down in this way- to the particular things i deem essential.
Tonight R watched tv without me for a while so when I saw him later in bed I asked, “did you watch anything good?” I saw he had been starting shows then stopping them and looking for something else when I’d passed by. He hesitated, sleepy, then said, “The only good thing I watched today was Hunter.” Which I know what he means. Baby’s really coming into his person: surprisingly funny, cute, witty, aware, happy, charming. I think it’s mostly because he can really talk now and say so many different things that we never heard him say before, how he’s learning new stuff to say all the time. yesterday we took him to a dino thing and as we were leaving, he wouldn’t sit down in his car seat. he was just standing in the seat. R asked him to sit down, and he surprised us with this new phrase: “not a chance!” Then there was about 20 minutes of him saying, “I sit down…” and him sitting down and then standing right back up, saying, “…and then I stand back up again!” and smiling mischievously. i’m trying all the time now to keep from laughing too loud, because R is afraid if I boisterously laugh as loud as I want to at everything he does, he’s going to become self-conscious and introverted. So I’m like stifling all my giggles around him, unless he’s doing something to obviously make us laugh. This morning I told my mom I almost didn’t want to hand him over to her, but here comes another work week. I used to hear ppl say, “children are a joy” and I’m just now starting to see and feel the meaning.
Marriage Journal 