dreaming of food

3/14/23

Like the past three days, have been feeling hungrier and seem to be eating more and enjoying food with similar increased intensity and pickiness as when i was pregnant (though not as intense as then). this coincides with when Hunter displayed symptoms of sickness on Sunday (runny nose and cough) and started nursing more. I think it’s my body’s response to how much more he’s breastfeeding- like it needs all these extra calories and fluids to make the milk and keep up with Baby’s sudden increased need for it. That’s pretty cool i think.

Have also been dreaming of specifically what I want to eat lately, and waking up with a craving for it – last week it was chicken n dumplings, today was a brownie

9:10 pm

nursing him, he smells like cheese and strawberries (two of the many things he had for dinner).

3/15/23

this morning dreamed of a layered peach cobbler/oatmeal and also cinnamon buns

Hunter sick this week and nursing what seems to me like nonstop day and night- i hardly have time to finish my work and just take basic care of myself the past few days bc he been keeping me up periodically all night so that im exhausted by 8 am and need some uninterrupted sleep starting then. getting into late afternoon today, after he’s been (and still is) nursing for about 2 hours straight (1-2 times during when he seemed asleep, i tried to pull my nipple out but that just roused him to keep sucking both times and he bit down hard before he did the first time). i’m lying here frustrated bc i’m just watching my work pile up on the screen, and i can’t do anything about it until he lets me go. he’s doing this half-asleep thing where his eyes are closed and im sure he’s relaxed and getting some sleeplike benefit, but he’s not fully asleep and still sucking away pretty hard and consistently.

3/16/23

when I sleep at my parents, I have to sleep with the baby and I noticed that I remember so many dreams because of how often I’m woken up- he wakes me up like every three hours or less, in the middle of dreams. When I sleep at home, rodrigo sleeps with the baby and I sleep upstairs by myself after I’ve nursed him to sleep, and I noticed that when I wake on my own up there I usually don’t remember any dreams really vividly like I was just having them, which I realized is a good thing. It means I slept a whole cycle, I think. since having the baby, I don’t know how many hundreds of times I’ve woken up in the middle of dreams. I don’t know exactly what it does to you, but it can’t be good.

3/18/23

a kind of gauge telling the level of brain affected due to lack of/abnormal sleep: before i left the house today, from inside the living room with the door closed, pointed the TV remote towards the car because I thought it would start it. for some reason.

was wondering a few times this past week if anyone ever died like indirectly from complications from breast-feeding. I feel like if I lived in another country where I didn’t have access to a hospital and I got as sick  as I did this past December, I might have.

lately, have started to hold my head in my hands a lot. I haven’t adopted this posture really at any other time in my life I think.