88.8 pounds

10/18/22

sometimes during nursing he lays his hand on my stomach and i think how his hand used to be pressing from the other side of that wall, how his whole body used to be swimming and squirming and pressing inside there, but then i look at how big he is now and can hardly believe he once fit entirely in there.

10/19/22

A constant I’ve found of baby life: not beginning things that I meant to do in the morning until the end of the day. and this thirst all the time, almost unquenchable, I think from the breast-feeding

10/20/22

weighed myself today at 88.8 lbs, i think the lowest ive ever seen it. i eat full fat ice cream like every day- i eat butter and eggs and cheese and cream and full fat yogurt and everything, am not restricting anything but carbs (pasta, rice, potatoes, bread, etc). so not sure why the weight loss, the only thing i can think is that it’s my f’ed up sleep still, that it’s messing with my normal metabolism or something. Because I ate more meals pre-postpartum (like 3-4, or more) than now postpartum (only like 2 meals a day) because i wake up so late, spending most of the early and late morning and even into early afternoon trying to catch up on the sleep I was deprived of from the night before, and this routine has been on repeat for some time now.