8/29/22
it’s starting to feel less like work, and more like fun. He’s so engaged and responsive, and just unpredictably, unexpectedly funny now. he’s always locking eyes with me, and kissed me multiple times today.
A side effect of always being with baby that makes me a little sad right now, is I can’t have a plant anymore in my room. he takes so many naps/breastfeeds a day, at which times I have to pull the shades down and make the room dark, that no plant can survive with the little amount of sunlight the nursery room gets. I tried keeping a plant just outside the room and just bring it in at night, but it was too much hassle remembering to bring it in and out every morning and night, so this is one of the first times in my life I don’t have plants really close to me.
8/31/22
skin is breaking out and I keep having this thought that… like…with baby Hunter, he’s so amazing and precious that i wonder like… maybe I would go overboard with pride or something if my body didn’t have all these “dings” in it to humble me. idk.
Can’t really explain how amazing he’s getting. If you show him how to do something once, he remembers (like how to make his Minnie doll talk by pressing a button on her shoe), he repeats all kinds of words, if you hide something somewhere really fast, he sees it and goes straight for it to retrieve it, and all sorts of other smart and hilarious things.
have also been thinking lately, that physically, this is one of the lowest points in my life. It is like over 90% because of the broken sleep I get every night from him still nursing through the night. It affects everything: my appetite, my brain fog, my energy, even maybe my skin? Maybe, when this is all over and I gain back my full nights sleep and my health, I can look back on this time and… I don’t know. Be grateful. I never realized how much I took for granted just sleeping at night. And feeling normal and like I had enough energy to do the things i wanted every day. I see that my parents, in the morning, don’t seem to feel like walking corpses (because they sleep the night) and think to myself that they don’t even realize what a recurring treasure they have, because they have it all the time.
9/1/22
he’s started biting at the end of his feedings at night when he’s fallen asleep. i can’t really do anything about it cause i’ve tried sticking my pinky in there to “break the latch” but there is not any suction latch to break- it’s just his teeth clamped together, and it makes it hurt even more with my added pinky trying to pull myself free and even wakes him up sometimes so that we have to start over again. The only thing I can do is wait and bear the pain for a bit, maybe a few seconds or more, when his jaw finally relaxes and lets go.
9/3/22
first time tonight he fell asleep and started snoring with my boob still in his mouth. was so funny and felt funny too
Marriage Journal 