4/19/21
Last night, ate at Chef Chan’s – it was nice, me and R sat at the only table in the restaurant they allowed open – it was like we had a private dinner. We were the only ones sitting down in the whole place, in our own private corner that was maybe like 20 feet away from the staff. Everyone still wore masks, us too unless we were eating. He got curry chicken and lots of appetizers, I got Alaskan roll sushi and bbq ribs. At the end, they gave us two fortune cookies. R took his first and then I took mine and before I opened mine I said, “this will be the baby’s fortune.” R was like ok and I opened it and it was about music. I forget what it said exactly, but it was something about music being the poetry and beauty of all things. I wish I kept it! It was pretty, and one I never read before.
Weighed myself this morning before eating, im 109!?!
4/21/21
when I slouch over, the underside of my boobs rest against the top of my tummy now. never felt this before.
4/22/21
last night in bed, I think I was in between sleeping and waking and just holding my belly, rubbing it gently, and thought I felt something move. Or moving. I’m not sure though if what I felt was the baby. it did kind of feel different/like it wasn’t me.
had first ultrasound today, the 20-week, head-to-toe, “complete” one of baby. she (the ultrasound technician) said he was wiggling and moving a lot (it did seem like he was hard to catch, she was moving the wand around trying to catch him), and at one point he flipped around. Like at the beginning his head was down and his back towards my spine, then (near the end of the appt) he flipped (the other way?) she said. At one point stuck his whole package at us (that’s what she said at least, I couldn’t tell) facing the camera, like the scrotum and penis and everything in our faces lol. He kept putting his (I think left) arm over his forehead or face like how R does all the time when he’s sleeping or wants to go to sleep. I was surprised by how much he moved, bc I couldn’t feel all that movement, but I could see it on the screen. I was so relieved when she counted his fingers and toes and there were five each…idk, I was just afraid that nothing would be “normal” and kept looking for signs of confusion or shock on the technician’s face… but everything was normal, in the end.
I was also surprised by how detailed the scan was…she (the ultrasound technician) was pointing out every little body part, even names of parts I’d never heard of. Different parts of the brain, she pointed out his earlobe(s). She pointed out his eye sockets, tongue, mandible, shoulders, spine, cross section of spine, vena cava, arms and its bones, both hands and counted all the fingers (it was kind of blurry and I wasn’t sure), his heart and different chambers and parts of his heart, his kidneys, pointed out his dick & scrotum a few times lol, legs, tibia and femur and stuff, again a bunch of parts I never heard of so I can’t remember, and his left foot and his right foot, she counted the toes (which again were blurry on the screen so I wasn’t sure and glad she counted them out, because it looked to me that he had six toes at one point). Even his positioning in my uterus(?), the placenta and like where his belly button connected, the blood flow in and out, how much space there was between everything (she said it looked good). He also did a funny chewing motion for a few moments that made me laugh, we got it on video. when I saw it I said, “Is he chewing on something!?” it looked so funny, and she said he was just suckling in there or something. R couldn’t come (no visitors cause of COVID restrictions). Tried to Facetime w/R during, but the connection was bad, even when we tried the hospital wifi. He couldn’t hear anything or really see. But I sent him that video of baby chewing, lol. He thought it was cool.
But actually seeing him with my eyes I think made it realer. That I’m carrying him. Like when I’m winded and out of breath just from walking up the stairs now, I don’t feel like I’m imagining something’s there or faking it…I know I’m actually carrying that little human bundle everywhere I go now, and that’s why it’s harder to move, not through any weakness of mine or anything. Like that I’m not exaggerating or being overdramatic when I’m moaning and groaning getting up and moving around; that there’s really something in there making it harder and more uncomfortable/challenging for me – I feel justified.
4/23/21
feeling hungry maybe less often lately, and less sure about exactly what I want to eat. This is different from 1st trimester when I was definitely hungry every 2-3 hours and knew specifically what I wanted and didn’t want to eat, even dreaming about specific foods at night. Eating sweets and desserts slightly more (more sweet chai drink, ice cream, cinn bun, brownies, etc.) but I think still not too much. Still eating fruits, all kinds, and some veggies- I try to eat a lot of vegs but I think most of my diet is actually meat and carbs, like pasta w/shrimp, beef pho, etc. Drinking a lot of milk lately—chocolate milk and regular milk mixed with soy chai drink. I pretty much always feel like eating sushi, from 1st trimester until now.
Marriage Journal 