3/22/21
when I look in the mirror, the bigger my stomach gets, the more scared I get about how it’s going to come out. like if it remained a small bump, I wouldn’t be so worried, I could fathom the mechanics, the logistics maybe, of it coming out. But the bigger and bigger it gets, the more I think it will have trouble coming out- the more I am wondering, “HOW?” So I’m looking at myself in the mirror these days fascinated as it grows but also pretty worried at the same time.
3/23/21
“It’s best to work through any regrets now, before sleep deprivation and other realities of having a newborn compound your sadness.” – https://www.parents.com
nipples more sensitive past few weeks and currently; just the slightest brush against them with clothes can feel so strong and almost irritating.
3/24/21
Lately when I stand up fast or while lying in bed i flip myself over from lying on one side to my other side, or make similar movements, I think I can feel the baby bobbing around in my lower abdomen, like sloshing around. Like swishing back and forth. I never felt this feeling before, this bobbing thing that feels kind of loose and detached among my organs. It’s like this little heavy extra thing that’s there.
3/25/21
Dear God
thank you for the chaos that Rodrigo has brought to my life. Thank you for his intuition, for his direction, for his wavelength and frequency that I almost 100% of the time get, and thank you for his wildness. Bless my husband Lord, as much as one can be blessed, and protect him please God, in all ways someone can be protected. Thank you that this chaos (with the baby and the house on top of regular work for us both) is helping us learn more about each other—how thorough we both are, our follow-through or lack of, our communication skills, the limits and boundaries of our comfort zones and respective stores of patience. Thank you for how much the chaos teaches us. Such a test this time is, such a time of discovery, like the wedding planning was, but magnified maybe, different definitely. Thank you God for my husband. May I never fail him, and may he be the most blessed man in all the world. Amen.
3/27/21
I’m going through this phase where I can’t stop looking at my belly – it’s sticking out so much more than I’ve ever seen it stick out in my life. In the shower, I look down at my belly and wonder if the stream against it sounds to him like rain on a roof. Maybe also because the warmer weather = thinner clothes and less layering, which accentuate my unprecedented outline more and draws my eye to it.
3/28/21
just weighed myself, 7:48 AM, after using bathroom and before eating anything yet today, and I’m 104! that’s a 10-pound weight gain from when I first started this pregnancy.
Marriage Journal 