2/15/21
woke up super tired and drowsy to 7:50 am alarm this morning in the middle of the worst dream: was trying to transcribe – kept rewinding and replaying over and over bc I couldn’t get it – some sequence of symbols and characters and numbers- not really any words. The guy was speaking too fast, maybe, and the material was like algebra – it did not flow like a narrative, and I was getting frustrated. I was glad when I woke up that it all wasn’t real, but also had a lingering frustrated feeling from the dream for like the first hour I was up.
Yesterday was so nice. R had off, it was valentine’s day. he had told me a few days before we were doing something on sunday, which I like when he does that—tells me some surprise is coming up, but doesn’t tell me exactly what it is. he just said the night before that it was at 3 o’clock, and to not eat beforehand, and we both chuckled in anticipation. This part is maybe all I need, actually- the just letting me know of the thoughtful planning, it makes me very happy, already, even before we actually go anywhere. But we did – first ate some french toast mom made us then at 11 went to meet the craigslist guy to pick up baby changing table (it’s really pretty, white, multiple levels), then dropped it off at mom and dad’s, who oohed and ahhed at it, then we drove to laurel acres park to walk – I wanted to walk – it was nice, still snowy, we walked around and saw some kids sledding/trying to walk back up the big hill but slipping cause it was pretty icy out. Then decided to walk more, on the trails near our house that’s still being renovated. On the way, stopped at WF and I got coconut water and sushi (cooked) and he got energy drinks and I only ate 3 pieces of sushi so I would still be hungry for the surprise place, then parked at our house and walked the snowy trails for like 2 hours, it was the most beautiful part of the day I think. There were hills and inclines and lakes and parks and so many paths, all snowy and some icy. Then we drove to the place—it turned out to be Allora’s, an italian restaurant I never tried before- and it was the best. The bread was so good, the green garlicky olive oil dip. And the soup was good, the meatballs looked and tasted homemade. And the rest was not super good to me, but still good. I loved the chilean sea bass- I had not had it for a while, and R was even remarking before the waiter told us the specials that chilean sea bass was a special (he saw the menu online when searching) because he remembered it was one of my favorite fishes to eat. And R had the bacon-wrapped filet mignon. we went home after sharing a piece of chocolate cake and just vegged out and were so full, we couldn’t eat for the rest of the day, even when mom and dad got his favorite pizza from Toscana’s (I ate it for breakfast today though). And we also watched a new movie called Promising Young Woman with Carey Mulligan, it was so good that I was yelling at the screen at the end and then like a half hour after the movie ended, when I went down to say goodnight to R and was massaging his feet thinking about the movie, I started crying and couldn’t stop – I had to excuse myself cause hot liquid kept coming from my eyes and I couldn’t concentrate – had to do a furious like 20-minute walk around the field, crunching and crashing through the icy snow until I was almost sweating and cried hard during, then I felt better and went back to R and finished saying goodnight to him. It’s one of my favorite movies now.
2/16/21
I keep laughing when I think of this cute thing R did the other night. He came home from work and went up to dad at the dinner table and said, “Hey Mr. Lau, do you want some Brazilian beer? [pause]…It’s Brazilian.” hehehe. he stopped by to get some cause I think he felt bad for finishing dad’s last mini-Heineken.
2/17/21
feeling…heavier. when i look at myself from the side there is not a super-telltale bump or anything, but i FEEL it. like walking up the stairs, my middle feels heavier than ever and I am almost winded at the top, whereas I never was before. Also everything feels more puffy lately (the last few weeks): lips and also today I noticed- even the top of it, the mound—feels puffier. Probably due to more blood going to uterus and stuff?
2/18/21
woke up early this morning to the sound of big snowflakes pelting against the window. I thought it was hail at first but now I think maybe it was just the wind blowing the snowflakes hard.
just realized something today when I was peeing for the 3rd time in an hour and a half. Like- being home now, working from home is kind of the best time to be pregnant I think, in terms of getting up to pee as much as I want, eating as much as I want, and farting as much as I want without being judged. I did not plan it this way. But…as I was peeing so much, it made me just realize it. It’s so different, being in the office. It’s not as conducive to relaxation.
I feel like my butt is bigger.
2/20/21
still feels so weird to almost feel like barfing/feel nauseated when I’m hungry. but that’s when I know I’m hungry.
Marriage Journal 