smake

3/27/23

conversation with baby around 7:50 am:

unlatches from nursing and looks at me seriously: “ants.” i look at him just as seriously and repeat, “ants?” he says yes. i say, “ants in your pants?” he looks down at his pj pants and says in a definite tone, “yes.” then he looks at r and says, “daddy schweeping.” “daddy sleeping,” i repeat, then he goes back to nursing. (he gets annoyed/even angry when you don’t understand what he’s saying, and if you do, he smiles and is happy)

3/29/23

i’ve honestly come to the conclusion that no one tells you how hard it is to care for a baby because if anyone knew beforehand how hard it was, no one would do it.

it’s so weird to be a mother. Because there are all these situations that converge, mentally, physically, emotionally and in lots of other ways, that kind of make you want to die/kill yourself/that test your boundaries to the absolute limit. At the same time, now you have this innocent being to care for, to live for, and now, more than ever, is the time to not die. It’s just the most confounding experience, to me.

3/30/23

The last like three days, have woken up on my own w/o alarm around 7 AM and kind of tired, so I go to lay back down, but I noticed that in a few minutes, like five minutes after I wake up on my own, rodrigo calls me on my phone that the baby is crying. Like we’re connected (and like I should’ve just gotten up when I woke up).

3/31/23

got out of bed today without delaying much because of previous days’ experience, and after using the bathroom was right in the room a few feet away when Baby woke up asking to nurse, so that was good. Though wish I had gotten there a little earlier because when I entered the room, R and Baby were in such a cute sleeping embrace together that I wanted to take a pic, but didn’t get a chance to.

One of the cutest things he does, is that for the word snake, he says “smake” and no matter how many times I say it right, he keeps saying “smake! smake!” R and I at the point now where we’re genuinely cracking up- even funny high-pitched laughs i never heard before from R- because baby is talking and acting so funny. He’s just learning to talk and doesn’t know what’s “normal” yet.