where no harm could ever find him

3/28/22

I feel like if I could just sleep the night every night, I could do everything I need to do for baby without it being painful / feeling like it takes so much energy. It’s almost as if nature designed babies to make you need help from other people.

eating so weird, I think from appetite being still disoriented from lack of sleep. I’ll eat something sweet, then savory, then switch back to a dessert, then savory again, walking around the house eating while doing chores.

3/29/22

last night R put a wall mount up for the tv, freeing up surface space on the cabinet-table where the tv previously was. He said that now we have to print pics of Hunter, to put with our wedding pics and stuff that’s already on that table. Some part of me was like, “yeah.” But another part of me dreaded it, in a way: by admitting there is actually a third person in our family through pictures, it’ll remind me that there’s one more person I could lose – he’s so young- there’s so many ways I could lose him. I can’t believe sometimes, how my heart beats for this baby. I want to hide him away in the safest place, where no harm could ever find him.