there’s nothing in the world like this

2/2/22

having slower mornings lately with baby, which is nice. He’s starting to daydream on his own and talk to himself for a little bit without me having to amuse him every minute. Noticing he’s not as desperate to eat, maybe just when he wakes in the middle of the night, still desperate, but in general breastfeeds for less time than before and is more relaxed about it. we started feeding him single ingredient solids about a month ago – the doc said it was ok to at his 4-month appt.

tonight in the dark, just the humidifier’s blue nightlight wavering on the ceiling and walls, us laid down together – two small figures in the middle of the queen bed, facing each other and him nursing, all quiet with the white noise going, me holding his little soft and fat, dimpled and warm, free hand against my chest, all quiet, his eyes closed, the angelic already-handsome face drifting off to sleep, i thought, “there’s nothing in the world like this.”

2/3/22

A kind of disturbing game he likes to play is when he’s lying down, if you give him a towel or burp cloth or anything, he will very deliberately put it over his whole face and just leave it there. I keep taking it off so he doesn’t suffocate, and he’s smiling and laughing when I take it off. But…idk, as a mom that’s all about keeping my kid alive, it disturbs me a little. maybe it’s fun for him to temporarily restrict his senses in that way or something. idk but he really seems to get a kick out of it.