10/17/21
last night we were talking for a little on the couch and R said that if he knew how hard having a baby would be, he wouldn’t have done it, but now that it’s done, he’s glad he did it.
10/19/21
God thank you so much for this baby, thank you for trusting this child’s life to me. Give me the wisdom to protect this child. Give me the wisdom to love this child. give me the wisdom to grow this child, give me everything I need mentally, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually for him- for his life. I know I don’t have it now, but I know it’s possible to have, I know you can give it to me, if you gave me him. I know I am not this person now, but I know you can make me become her. please help me. please help me and my husband, please guide us always, to what’s right. Amen.
10/21/21
when I woke up around 7:20 this morning, I could have sworn he slept through the night..but now that I think of it, I think the (two?) times during the night he woke up to eat, I was so tired I fed him almost in a sleeping state, so I didn’t really remember it.
10/22/21
pacifiers have helped me a lot lately. I think I have like 10 scattered around the house now. before the birth, I kind of vowed not to use them, cause I had read that they can confuse baby regarding the breast/make it harder to breastfeed. But he is as interested as ever, and most importantly, they buy me TIME. When he’s crying to eat, and I need to do some things quick like eat something, go to bathroom, arrange the bed, get water, etc., I can stick one in his mouth and he’ll be quiet sucking while I do these things in preparation to sit and feed him for a while (he usually takes a while to eat—he can lie there breastfeeding for an hour or even two). I would put pacifiers near the top of my mental-health-saving postpartum list.
10/23/21
“there is nowhere we can go that is outside the presence of God.” – audiobook I’m listening to, forgot title
Marriage Journal 