here is this magical person

10/12/21

My favorite moment of the day: tonight we were watching a movie on the couch, and Hunter was on my lap with his little hand on my arm, and R moved closer and rested his head on mine and put his arm around me and it was the best moment of the day because we were all three lightly touching each other, together in a quiet moment. It was so nice. It was like that feeling when you’re standing in a circle of people and everyone joins hands.

I love when Hunter falls asleep on my chest. He doesn’t do it often, or for very long; I can count on one hand the number of times. when I put him on my chest, he usually starts rooting around frantically for the boob. But sometimes, he’s so tired that he just falls asleep there for a few minutes. I love his warm, compact little weight on me laying still, our respective body heats in a circular exchange, chest to chest. on these rare occasions, i put away anything I’m doing, like reading on my phone, and just lay back and savor it.

ever since the birth, but actually since late pregnancy I think, have been losing my balance, like tipping over and needing to steady myself on a wall or railing. It actually makes me kind of mad, because I had such control over every little thing about my body before. but I feel like this disorientation will go away, maybe, once I fully heal/get more sleep/get back to normal. I hope it will.

10/14/21

sometimes I think when I am literally on my way to heaven, it will look exactly like the streets to my house in the sun, on my bike. Or it will look how it does biking down long winding Kelly Drive, when it’s deserted in the rain. My favorite part is- when the river’s on your left- that sharp bend that goes around the huge rock – I love…not knowing what or who you’re going to suddenly see around the corner.

so funny how having a baby can bring you together (here is this magical person you two made) and separate you (much less time and energy for each other) at the same time.

last night, R sleeping upstairs but he heard baby crying and fussing around 1 AM and he came down to help me. He took Hunter and walked around downstairs cradling and rocking him and gave him pacifier until he fell asleep – this gave me such (temporary) relief. Then R went to sleep and got up at like 5 am for work. Tonight he told me that when his alarm went off in the morning, he was so tired he was afraid he was going to fall back asleep after shutting it off. …God, thank you so much for my husband, may he be the most blessed man in all the world.